PREVIOUSLY, Remember and Zephyrus returned from Bridgeport with their intendeds ( simmply_anna's Fluffy and Pumpkin, respectively) and their first-borns, January and Myla. They didn't settle for just first-borns, though, because they are Crescendos, and Crescendos have babies, damn it! Avery and Eli, welcome to the family! All the babies became toddlers, and then Myla became a child. A child terror, really. Noro also had a birthday, to become an elder, and she remained super-cute! Chance had mood swings, leading me to recruit Ross Deens ( simpairment) to attempt to calm her through the mythical powers of love. Cain had no such luck with such powers, as he never quite geared himself up enough to kiss Ross' younger brother, Sam ( simpairment). And I took off to New York, to flail over DanRad (SUCCESS!), and then imported a book from Australia, which made me drop everything else in my life as soon as it arrived, and then cry all the tears. But then
We open with something terrifying: the moment that I thought Andrew ( samannah) was dying. Not to worry, it wasn't death coming for him, just senility.
MYLA: You want to hear about death, do you? Oh, I'll tell you a story about death.
GLORY: I'm not so sure that I want to hear a story about death, honey . . .
MYLA: TRUE! --nervous --very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why will you say that I am mad?
GLORY: She's speaking rather eloquently - did she make this story up on her own?!
MYLA: . . . is the beating of his hideous heart! The end!
ZEPYHRUS: You're not going to be a terror like your big sister, are you? No, you're not! No, you're not!
ZEPHYRUS: I solemnly pledge to you, Eli, that I will protect you from becoming like your sister.
Zeph takes this sort of thing very seriously.
Stop! Sparkletime! (I feel like I've typed those exact words in that exact order before . . . idec.)
ZEPHYRUS: Oh, how exciting, another toddler growing up.
Y SO CREEPY? No, but really. Serious question.
January looks unimpressed with herself, but I'm rather impressed enough for both of us! Cute little Fluffy clone! *pinches cheeks* She inherited Re's disciplined trait. I kind of love when they "inherit" traits from their parents (I roll each trait randomly).
January spends a moment reflecting on her pre-makeover self. As you do.
She doesn't have much time to reflect, as Luno is just demanding my attention.
LUNO: Hey! It's time for me to age up without a cake again!
I felt no need to break from tradition.
I did, however, feel the need to partake in some major Luno spam. Ready? (GET READY GET SET 'CAUSE THE MORE I GET THE MORE MORE MORE I WANT. Applicable. Also, my jam.)
NORO: Okay, we get it, my daughter's adorable. Can we get to a makeover shot now?
ARIA: My lungs are getting tired.
Grown-up Luno! She added the computer whiz trait, and you finally get to see her suitably-nerdy LTW. Despite those nerdy traits, Luno's always been a bit of a girly-girl so she's keeping the pink. And the cuteness. She kept that.
First order of business for the newly aged: track down Julian Marx ( legendarysims).
LUNO: Julian! You've aged up too! And you look good! Best birthday ever.
LUNO: What about me? Do you think I look good?
Well, that's a sultry look. GET IT.
Oh, she GOT IT.
Julian has also got it . . .
LUNO: DAT ASS.
There was also a party going on at the Crescendo household. No, not for Luno's birthday - don't be absurd. Not for Ross Deens either, clearly. Biko is kind of a hater. Of a lot of people. And Ezra's just trying to fit in. Well, when the woman you're romancing has so many family members looking after her interests, you want to try to bond in any way you can. I feel Ezra on this.
Ares (!!!) also arrived for the party and proceeded to make a beeline, um, away from Chance.
ARES: Oh, um, hey, Chance, I'm just going to chill somewhere else . . .
ARES: Just going to chill . . .
Subtle, Ares. Not an unjustified idea, but still. Subtle.
This is when I discovered that my game didn't feel like letting Pumpkin and Zeph get married. Public wedding? Nope. Private wedding? No go. So, since I had this big party here already and did have another engaged couple in the house, well:
REMEMBER: So, Fluffy, love, I know it's a bit earlier than we had planned for, but Zeph is having a nervous breakdown with all these people here, and I can't stand to let him be embarrassed like that, so maybe you and I, we could get married today. I mean, we wanted to get married at some point anyway, so maybe it'd be an okay idea?
FLUFFY: Hey, yeah, of course we can do that!
REMEMBER: Really? Okay, well, I guess we're getting married then!
CHANCE: Married, hey? Maybe I'LL get married tonight. Where's Ross?
Is this like that episode of Friends where people steal Monica's thunder except that Chance is intentionally being a bitch?
PLAN FOILED. Chance got arrested. This is her running from the cops. I WONDER WHAT SHE GOT ARRESTED FOR . . .
Enough of that, we have a wedding to get to!
JULIAN: It's so beautiful, I could weep! OH GOD, I AM WEEPING!
EZRA: Young love! I love young love!
EZRA: What about you, youngster? Have you found young love?
ZEPHYRUS: Ares. That's Grandma's, um, paramour. Maybe try being nice for a change.
ARES: Oh. In that case, I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it.
Um, perhaps we should check in on some other guests?
PUMPKIN: Wait. Aren't you the strumpet that slept with my fiancé as a means to world domination? And are you wearing a wedding dress?
SAVANNA ( brilliantcat): Hiiiii . . .
PUMPKIN: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW? First I can't get married today, even though I'm in my wedding dress and ready to go, and now my fiancé's ex shows up IN A FUCKING WEDDING DRESS? What is this?
No, but really, I can't begrudge her that reaction. The situation does suck something fierce. But, um, maybe we should get to the actual wedding? JUST A THOUGHT.
NORO: It's so BEAUTIFUL!
REMEMBER: Know what else is beautiful? My ring! I can't believe I'm married, omgomgomg!
I can't believe how cute you are, omgomgomg!
FLUFFY: My ring's also quite nice, you know.
FLUFFY: Marriage rocks!
FLUFFY: I mean it. Marriage rocks. *creepily intense stare*
O-kay then . . .
FLUFFY: Was that creepy? I'm harmless, really! See, let me show you my harmless smile!
Given that I haven't given him his magic scroll book here, he probably is rather harmless. For now.
SAM ( simpairment): I sense there's cause for celebration going on inside right now!
Um . . .
SILAS ( sixamsims): I don't like this. There's a full-grown man out there waiting for my youngest son to become an adult. That doesn't seem okay.
Yeah, I'm with Silas on this. The fact that Sam started cheering on Cain's birthday from outside seems kind of weird and, yes, creepy, given the circumstances.
SAM: . . . I hate you all.
And this was Cain's birthday scene. THERE IS TOO MUCH GOING ON HERE, MY BRAIN CAN'T HANDLE IT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TALK ABOUT FIRST. Okay. Myla, don't wet yourself. Turn the corner to the bathroom. Luno, you can't see Julian nor the wedding from here. Turn the corner to the festivities. Cain, don't hit your father in the head with your party favour. He's elderly and that won't help. Silas, keep on doing what you're doing. You're fine. Okay, I think that covers everyone.
CAIN: Nobody told me I'd get to sparkle for my birthday! BEST. BIRTHDAY. EVER!
If you say so.
And the last of generation three is all grown up. *tear* He rolled party animal, which, again, fits nicely. Nice job this gen, randomizer! He wants to achieve physical perfection which, UM, CAIN, I THINK YOU'RE ALREADY CLOSE. A Silas clone with Glory's exact colouring? Yeah, physical perfection is not an issue here. *clears throat*
CAIN: Hey, there's Sam. I wonder if he'll be more receptive to me as an adult? Maybe he'll be adult about it.
LUNO: Maybe you should rethink this shirtless strategy. It's pretty forward of you.
CAIN: No, I look good. Shirtless. It's the way to go.
Cain did take Luno's advice about putting a shirt on - either that, or his insane trait kicked in and he autonomously changed clothes, either or - but then took Sam up to his childhood bedroom. So it kind of evens itself out.
CAIN: Sooooo, this is my bedroom. There's the bed. Eh, eh?
CAIN: C'mon, Sam, we're both adults now, let's have some fun!
SAM: Uh, but Cain-
CAIN: What's the big deal? The bed's right there, I'm sure we can both fit on it.
SAM: Cain, seriously. I'm not just going to jump into bed with you, don't be ridiculous.
CAIN: Okay, I'll be serious then. What's the issue? Am I moving too fast? Is that it? Okay, let's move slower then! I can do that. How about you move in? Oh, wait, is that too fast?
CAIN: We can start with a kiss!
SAM: You probably shouldn't do that - I should probably go. But I will move in. See you in a bit!
CAIN: Go? What? But, Sam - come back!
CAIN: The fuck did I do?
That's what I get for trying to match up two insane sims, I suppose. But hey, if Sam's moving in, then at least he is coming back. So, there's that.
Luno had a bit more luck on the full-out romance front.
ZEPHYRUS: This sucks. Everyone else is getting some on what was supposed to be MY wedding day. And here I am, still a bachelor, my should-be-wife not with me but instead upset that we're not married . . . WOE.
My poor, hopeless romantic bb. :( This day must've been rather tough for him. But I know someone who can cheer him up.
ZEPHYRUS: Hey, Pumpkin, I'm sorry we weren't able to get married today. Just know that marriage is just a piece of paper, we can spend the rest of our lives together regardless of what a piece of paper does or does not say. I just hope you know that you are the one for me.
I feel like I've been linking to BSB videos
Re was quickly discovering the truth to Zeph's words, as her married life progressed no differently than her engaged life.
REMEMBER: The potty training ninja returns to ninja her way through another day!
Speaking of things that smell bad, Julian Marx! Where you at, boy?
LUNO: Julian, that smell! Tell me, is that you? I just have to know!
JULIAN: Yeah, baby, that's all me. That's the scent of a real man, none of this Axe bodyspray shit.
LUNO: Oh my . . . It smells so manly.
LUNO: Let me lean in closer to get a better whiff of that, mmm.
LUNO: That reminds me, that's a scent I could spend the rest of my life with.
JULIAN: Um, sweetheart? Why are you impaling yourself on the window?
LUNO: Not important right now, babe.
JULIAN: But really, are you okay? That looks really painful.
LUNO: I'm fine. More important things to focus on right now, darling.
LUNO: Like this ring! Julian Marx, will you marry me?
JULIAN: Luno, honey, that window frame is litrally through your cheek. That can't be good. That's actually probably really, really- hey, wait, is that ring?
JULIAN: Oh my God, yay, it's a ring, it's a ring!
JULIAN: And yes. My answer is, of course, yes.
legendarysims, I'd just like to say thank you for Julian. He's so pretty! And he and Luno seem to have a certain sweet, almost simple-minded charm to them. But mostly, he's just so pretty.
Legacy spare wedding commence!
Boom, married. Now go make me some gorgeous spare cousins, you two!
. . .
I didn't necessarily mean right now. On your grandmother's bed. That's . . . um.
LUNO: I wonder if this is the same ceiling my grandma looked up at when she was being deflowered.
It seemed like romance was in the air of the Crescendo house because not long after I'd fawned all over how cute Glory and Andrew's STRICTLY PLATONIC relationship was, this happened:
GLORY: Heeeeyyyyy, so, Andrew. I just wanted to test out an idea on you, try the waters, so to speak . . .
NORO: Lalala, it's so nice to have a sister and a husband who are best friends and get along so well! Lalala!
GLORY: I was thinking, you plus me equals us? Maybe? Eh, eh?
NORO: Wait. That didn't sound very platonic. I must've misheard.
NORO: Right in front of me. Really.
ANDREW: You know, Glory, I really like our friendship. I value it so much, our friendship, and would never want to do anything to jeopardize that friendship.
GLORY: . . . She's standing right behind me, isn't she? Well, shit.
NORO: Oh, okay, guess it's time for a beatdown If I must. But that sounds kind of like effort and unhappiness and I don't know how I feel about those things. Maybe I'll just let it slide. Yes. That sounds like a better plan.
Seriously, Noro was decidedly unperturbed by her sister flirting with her husband right in front of her. She did not care. There are not enough memes in this world to express how many fucks were not given. But that's okay. We can still get a beatdown in this house.
CHANCE: Know what sucks? Being good. I cannot emphasize enough how much being good sucks.
CHANCE: It sucks. Suckity suck SUCKS.
I think I originally captioned this photo "derpface." Still applicable.
REMEMBER: Oh, wah-wah, I'm going to listen to the girl with the stupidest stankface in the world and cry all day because she hurt my feelings!
REMEMBER: No, what I'm actually going to do is kick your ass again if you keep insulting me.
REMEMBER: Seriously, Chance. I will do it.
Re can be so intimidating when she wants to. Sadly, intimidation only works against the non-clinical. Which Chance is not.
CHANCE: Being good is trash! Trash, trash, trash, TRASH! Good people are the equivalent of bags of trash! You're the trash inside the bags, actually!
CHANCE: Yeah, I said it. Come at me!
REMEMBER: Whoa, Chance, there's no reason to come to blows over this, really . . .
REMEMBER: You're kind of scaring me right now, all this aggression and rage. It can't be healthy, Chance.
CHANCE: "Not healthy?" I'll show you "not healthy" when I kick your- Oh shit, something in my eye.
CHANCE: Hold on a sec, almost got it. If I squint like this . . .
REMEMBER: Well, this is just embarrassing for all involved.
I was wrong: this is the picture I had originally captioned as "derpface." Could there ever be any question of that? No. No, there could not.
REMEMBER: That is HORRIFYING.
CHANCE: Making fun of me? That so deserves a slap.
CHANCE: You just got slapped. Hmph.
I like how Fluffy's in the background, eating his breakfast all nonchalant, like "I haven't been in this house very long and I already know to ignore this." Well-played, sir.
*sigh* Of course.
Wait. Is that Re getting her assed kicked?
WTF?! Re has a maxed out martial arts skill and a high athletic skill! Chance . . . does not.
CHANCE: Eat it, bitch.
SILAS: Well, Avery, you should also eat this food, in a literal, non-vulgar fashion. But eat it nonetheless.
AVERY: No eat! Bed! Bed!
SILAS: Wait. What is this? Sparkles? This is some Edward Cullen shit right here.
SAM: Oh my God, the crying. Make it stop, make it stop!
CAIN: Maybe I should ask my dad to just put Avery to bed? That would probably make the crying stop.
I THINK YOUR DAD HAS BIGGER FISH TO FRY RIGHT NOW, CAIN.
Glory had a much more understandable reaction - she literally ran from wherever she was to be my Silas' side. That sound you hear is the first crack in Glory's process of breaking my heart.
GLORY: Nooooo. Don't leave me!
And the whole time Glory sobbed, Noro just watched her sister with the most heart-wrenching look of concern on her face, THUS COMPLETING THE PROCESS OF MY HEARTBREAK.
Zeph arrived home, completely unaware of what was going on. It's like watching a bug that's about to get stepped on and you know it but he doesn't yet. Or a puppy. It's like watching a puppy about to get stepped on.
ZEPHYRUS: Hey, Grim, 'sup, man? How's it going?
ZEPHYRUS: Wait, you're taking my father? Not cool, bro.
And then he and Glory proceeded to mourn in unison. WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME? I THOUGHT MY HEART WAS UNABLE TO BREAK ANY MORE.
There was one person in the house who seemed rather unaffected by the tragedy playing out in front of him:
AVERY: Food! No bed! FOOD!
AVERY: Bye-bye, food! Want bed! Want bed now!
GLORY: That heinous child is taking away from the moment of my husband's death! How could he!
SAM: Baby's still crying? Fuck this, I'm out.
Cain was busy showing off his ninja moves to his grandmother as Edward Cullen looked on.
ARIA: Cain, honey, I'm very proud of you, you're quite the talented martial artist, but are you sure now is the appropriate time?
CAIN: Oh yeah, Dad always loved martial arts, it's cool.
. . .
And so Sam and Cain moved out. Avery, however, stopped crying as he decided that death was, well, fun. Yeah.
AVERY: Bye-bye! Bye-bye fun! Fun bye-bye!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU CHILD? WHY ARE YOU GETTING SO HAPPY ABOUT DEATH RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU? YOU'RE NOT EVEN EVIL!
EVEN MYLA IS CRYING!
Also not mourning properly?
ANDREW: Who's dying? Is he dying? Yeah, he's dying!
ANDREW: And sidebar: I'M AWESOME! Boom.
I have concerns. Many of them.
January also had some equally-valid concerns.
JANUARY: Why are you in my house? I don't like you.
JANUARY: Did she invite you? I bet she did. I don't like her either.
CHANCE: Me, invite death into this house? I would never!
CHANCE: And I am aghast that you would ever accuse me of such a thing, dear niece! Aghast, I tell you!
CHANCE: I can't bear to live in a world that my nice would think so low of me! Goodbye, cruel world!
. . .
CHANCE: Do you think she bought it?
MYLA: Aunt Chance. I know you're not really my aunt, but YOU ARE MY HERO.
ROSS: She idolizes the girl who fake-fainted to get out of being accused of something but ignores the firefighter who practically burned alive as he rescued a family from the fiery inferno and then rushed to his girlfriend's side when he heard there was a death in the family. And she's the hero. Great.
Ross, I'm sorry you're so pretty. You deserve better than Chance in every way except genetically, bb.
CHANCE: I'm a hero, hey? That'd be a good trait to have as a mother, right? Maybe I should be a mother. I'd totally be awesome at it!
NO YOU WOULDN'T. I mean, it's going to happen - genetic lottery and all that - but I'll at least be honest about it.
Hey, speaking of babies, it's about time we check in with one of them.
ELI: I love you, Patterns.
ELI: And I will NEVER LEAVE you, Patterns! Promise me you'll do the same.
ELI: I got this.
ELI: Patterns? Where are you, Patterns? . . . This is bull.
Sorry your family spent too much time socializing with you to allow you to build a strong enough bond with your imaginary friend. OH, WAIT, I'M NOT SORRY AT ALL BECAUSE THOSE THINGS ARE FUCKING CREEPY AND MADE YOU CREEPY BY RELATION, ELI.
Now I'm even more not even mad! Eli! Cute! I think he may be a Pumpkin clone but THOSE CHEEKS! *dies*
Now let's see how that cousin of his did!
Okay, derpy, you're up. Make me proud.
Aren't birthdays exciting? A moment of attention just for you, where everyone is fixated on you and only-
ANDREW WTF DUDE?! See that green plumbob directly behind Andrew there? That's Avery. Having his birthday. Being blocked by his egotistical asshat of a grandfather.
ANDREW: Just wanted to make sure you know how awesome I am.
NEVER MIND, ANDREW, GET BACK IN FRONT OF IT QUICK!
Oh, geez. You know, I'd feel bad for the kid but . . . pleased-by-death baby. It's like karma came back for a child.
Is "eccentric" the polite way of saying "off your fucking rocker and also, evil?" Because if so, how applicable! He's very cute, as seems to the theme this generation, and has a lot of Mrmpfle in him, which also seems to be a theme. I approve!
And I will leave you with that rather anti-climactic ending. And also, with Luno and Cain downloads right here! 'Sup, complete generation three?
NEXT TIME, Remember and Fluffy get clear away from all the mourning and instead jump right into honeymooning in Shang Simla. Also, my heirs get wrinkled. BUT GORGEOUSLY SO. Join me, won't you?
I'm very sorry for how long it took me to put this out - real life really has kind of kicked my ass lately. Given that I have the next three days off and can't really, you know, move very much, I'm hoping to make some headway on the next update. No promises, but . . . maybe? Hopefully!
HAPPY NEW YEAR, LOVELIES! ♥
Current Music: swoon (boyz noize summer remix): the chemical brothers